Asking Eric: I’m so hurt that she told this story from my drunken days

Dear Eric I have been in recovery for alcohol addiction for almost years Needless to say my life is wonderful and so good compared with those years when I was current in my addiction Related Articles Asking Eric We need to deal with this no-show volunteer but kindly Asking Eric Our co-worker called us stingy for not funding her honeymoon Asking Eric My husband says I m being too dramatic about the dog who hurt me Asking Eric This is the secret phrase to use if you can t understand a help center rep Asking Eric We gave urgency divorce money to two of our kids Now the third wants the same In recent times I was with someone who knew me before recovery In a room with people who really didn t know me very well she described the story about how I was drunk in a blackout and stole something from someone Now I don t know if this even happened However I was so embarrassed and hurt by the fact that she would do this to me She is my dear friend and we have been friends for more than years I am really upset enough about this to just want to end the friendship It s really not the first time it s happened It seems to happen when we are with people who have just met me or just don t know me very well I would appreciate your thoughts on the matter Not My Past Dear Past Congratulations on your years of sobriety Your friend may consciously or subconsciously resent the new life you ve made for yourself especially if she felt she got the short end of the friendship stick during your current addiction But if those feelings exist they re on her side of the street Before you sever the friendship have a conversation in which you explain what you felt hurt by and ask if she sees it the same way She may not realize what she s doing If that s the occurrence she should briskly apologize acknowledge what she did that was hurtful and seek to make it right going forward If she takes the position that it s no big deal however you re within your right to leave the past in the past even if that means part of that past is your friendship Dear Eric My sister and I were once best friends She has a friend from high school who was also her best friend This friend and I have invariably gotten along and enjoyed each other s company The friendship has progressed and my sister feels jealous and threatened by it I live on the West Coast and they live in the Midwest The friend has longed to come visit me and has expressed the desire often Now my sister is beside herself thinking this friend is trying to take her place I have reassured her multiple times that is not workable Now my sister isn t talking to me What to do Only One Sister Dear Sister It sounds like a visit might be in order for you Your sister s emotions are hers to manage but you can give her a hand by talking this out in person Jealousy is natural we all feel it from time to time But we have to be responsible for what we do with it Is it reasonable for her to think she s being replaced by her friend No but it speaks to selected deeper insecurity or question she has about your relationship If you want to change things you may have no choice but to show up and say I care about you I feel hurt when you won t talk to me Can we get to the bottom of this Dear Eric This is the first time I have ever sounded in on a letter in your column but the one from Not My Daughter tipped the scales and I feel moved to share The writer who described herself as disabled was concerned about an upcoming visit from her terminally ill husband s adult daughter She states the daughter steals from their home and has recounted my husband that she wants me to leave when she comes to visit The writer was asking about secretly recording the daughter s nasty comments and behavior Eric you were absolutely spot-on to dissuade her from this potentially illegal method However I d like to add that this behavior hints strongly of elder abuse and I d ask if there is another trusted adult friend or family member maybe even two or three others she could invite to be present when the daughter arrives Related Articles Harriette Cole After my wedding she blasted me as pretentious Miss Manners Is it narcissistic to display a studio portrait of oneself in the home Dear Abby I explained I d be in their wedding but I m so upset by the processional plan Jill On Money The great lock in San Jose man wonders why his dog licks him but no one else An advocate in the room might be just enough to curb the nasty comments and an extra set of eyes to curtail the stealing it s her home and there s nothing illegal about having another someone else there as a witness If hospice is involved she can also ask a association member to be there to mediate and act on behalf of the husband They are trained for issues much like this Concerned Reader Dear Reader This is excellent advice and I heartily agree Moreover having a friend or two or three in the home is going to provide more immediate backing and more foreseen remedies than a recording would Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com