Asking Eric: Strike 1 was my husband’s hike with his co-worker

Dear Eric My husband and I celebrated our th anniversary this past spring He has a large number of wonderful qualities but he s also a lone wolf who very rarely asks for my input or help Related Articles Asking Eric My husband knows I m traumatized by grippy socks yet he keeps giving them to me Asking Eric Yoga was my refuge but my copycat co-worker is ruining it Asking Eric If I suggest a hotel they ll be offended but I can t deal with them in my home Asking Eric If I review my neighbor he ll know it was me Asking Eric I have a good plan for Christmas but my daughter isn t on board A sparse months before he retired I discovered he d gone on a hike with a young pretty co-worker Countless years before he d had a two-year affair with another co-worker It was a devastating experience for me After this latest instance we both started going to individual therapists We seemed to be moving toward a healthier situation when I caught him day drinking He admitted he had a drinking complication and started going to a harm-reduction scheme We also started couples therapy Then I discovered that he d opened a new bank account and bought crypto without discussing it with me I m thinking I need to separate from him for a time I don t know how to break through to him to make him understand that his inability to discuss things with me to share his thoughts and desires with me are destroying my trust in him Is our relationship worth salvaging Left in the Dark Dear Left in the Dark I don t say this lightly but sometimes separation is an act of salvaging First think about finances He by this account is acting irresponsibly and not telling you about indiscretions and major decisions It would be wise then to talk to your financial adviser or an attorney about separating your finances at least temporarily Talk to him about what his goals are in individual therapy and what your shared goals are in couples therapy It s realizable that he s as unclear on his motivations as you are Unraveling that is a good place to start for him That may not be work you can do together You need to be able to trust the person that you re with When broken trust can be restored but it takes intention amends and change internal and external While he s doing his work you may find that being in a different space from him helps you to do the healing you need to do helps you feel safer and potentially makes way for reconciliation Dear Eric I yearned to respond to the letter from the father who exposed out his children did not share his DNA Sad Dad I am a daughter who discovered after my parents were dead that my father was not my DNA donor The father and your answer were spot on I went through a period of feeling unmoored after I determined out I consistently knew my mother was adopted no blood relatives save her on the maternal side and now it turned out my father s blood relatives weren t my blood relatives But after a while and granted I am an old woman been through a lot anyway my feelings calmed down I was lucky to have the bulk wonderful father no DNA donor could have been better I was a little upset at my mom but she and I will take that up in Heaven So please tell the writer from me to take deep breaths and ride out this storm of emotions it sounds like there are good relations on the other side Grateful Daughter Dear Daughter I heard from multiple people who made similar discoveries about their families of origin and every one reflected the same sentiment a gratitude for the parent who was there I hope the letter writer takes this to heart I also received letters from parents who discovered they weren t the biological parents of the children they raised and loved Specific of those letters wisely suggested that Sad Dad also process his feelings with a counselor trained in family therapy There are a lot of complicated emotions and they deserve to be heard and in chosen cases healed so that the family bonds don t suffer Dear Eric What on earth can I do with a noisy -year-old neighbor I live in an apartment and she is banging cupboard doors pots and pans at at night I go to sleep at It s very aggravating How can I confront her without getting an enemy Sleepless Neighbor Dear Neighbor A request or even a did you know that I can hear this is not a confrontation So start with a conversation during the day Related Articles Dear Abby I want to have a good time but Bob the creep is at the bar Asking Eric My husband knows I m traumatized by grippy socks yet he keeps giving them to me Harriette Cole The bachelorette trip was ruined How can I make it up to the bride Miss Manners My neighbor s plus-ones are nice women but they re outsiders Dear Abby Why are particular of these old people so cranky Sometimes I have trouble sleeping because the noise from your apartment bleeds through mine Would you mind being a little quieter when cooking after She may not be aware of how much noise she s making One person s banging pots and pans is another person s just making a cup of soup So knock and ask If she decides that this makes you an enemy that s on her No matter the outcome of the conversation invest in various earplugs Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com