Asking Eric: Years after parents’ death, friend still hasn’t dealt with inherited property

Dear Eric I have a friend I ll call Sally She is in her mid- s and is single with no kids Both of her parents are deceased Prior to her mother s death she quit her job to care for her Once she passed Sally inherited largest part of her property including her older van condo and belongings She has sorted through her mother s belongings but cannot seem to decide what to do with her van or condo both of which are paid off Sally has her own condo and carriage and has been paying taxes HOA fees maintenance and other expenses on these inherited items for years now She cannot seem to decide what to do with these things and keeps telling me that her plan is to eventually sell her place and move into her mother s which is nicer In the meantime she is losing a lot of money maintaining these items She doesn t seem strapped for money and still isn t working but is constantly on the go helping others volunteering babysitting etc I am concerned about her indecisiveness and worry that she is running away from her problems and harming herself by avoiding dealing with this We are friends but not super close so I have not shared my concerns with her What is the best way to discuss this with her Concerned Friend Dear Friend Instead of talking to Sally about your concerns which she may or may not share pick one part of her inheritance and ask her if she d like your help in dealing with it The van is ostensibly the easiest place to start Tell her that you ve noticed she doesn t drive it and you have various ideas about what to do with it if she s open You could help her sell it of discipline but it could also do a lot of good as a donation to a charitable organization that requirements reliable transportation Now she may not be looking for suggestions But it s likely that various of the decision difficulty she s experiencing comes from being overwhelmed by logistics This happens to all of us at times but it can be especially tough when paired with grief She may need someone on the outside to offer her a hand Dear Eric I m divorced and in fading vitality I ve never really fit in anywhere in my life My son had a very rough start in life and I overcompensated by helping him out far too long He s and lately cut off contact with me because I wouldn t buy a house his wife longed I ve taken out a loan for them and they are not making the payments as promised In the meantime his twin sister feels abandoned because of the attention her brother received growing up She lives across the country and I haven t seen them in three years She has a good job and is raising two honor roll students How do I make amends to my daughter I wonder if I have autism as I m very awkward and have no real friends Is too late to be tested and would it do any good to know Locked Out of Life Dear Locked Out First I want to let you know that you re not alone A multitude of people feel stymied by social isolation According to the University of Michigan National Poll on Healthy Aging percent of adults aged to record feeling isolated from others This feeling can pose unique challenges but it is not too late for you to make changes that will positively impact your life It s never too late to talk to a professional about autism spectrum disorder and I would highly encourage you to pursue it There are online self-assessments available that can help you get started but talking to a psychologist psychiatrist or neurologist can provide a evaluation that s more specific to you A professional can also help you find support locally nationally and online that can improve your experience of life Related Articles Asking Eric After missed birthday party friend stops calling Asking Eric Friend s online dating woes drain the life from friendship Asking Eric Neighbors car ruins the view Asking Eric Wife s secret expenses strain marriage Asking Eric Girlfriend accuses boyfriend of cheating with church friend Similarly it s not too late to make amends to your daughter An amends doesn t change the past but it can set a different path for the future Try reaching out with a letter first acknowledging the hurt she felt and apologizing with specifics for the part you played in it You don t need to give an excuse indeed this may not help at this point Instead express a sincere desire to reset your relationship Offer suggestions if you have any but also ask her if she s open to a conversation Please also consult a lawyer about your options for recouping certain of the loan from your son This journey is not an overnight trip It will take time to rebuild a connection with your daughter and it takes time to learn new things about yourself But it s never too late Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com