Dear Abby: Their kids and the baby are ruining our bar time

DEAR ABBY For years my husband and I have socialized with a small group of couples now empty-nesters in their s and s Related Articles Dear Abby I realized what s triggering my migraines and now I have a new complication Dear Abby I was trying to focus on my chores and my wife blew up at me Dear Abby I want to make things right My children want nothing to do with me Dear Abby My husband secretly invited his new buddy to our house Dear Abby She s secretly cruel then spins a different story for her church friends We meet at our favorite neighborhood bars for happy hour live music dancing and other city events and we have a great time Over the last year one couple has started inviting several of their -something children and a grandbaby yes to the bars at night to hang out with us It becomes loud and messy the more the kids drink The conversations are different and the baby cries and it has thoroughly changed the vibe of our get-togethers I like this couple but not particularly their kids Is there a tactful way to redirect our get-togethers back to just our mature group rather than family time without damaging friendships or should we suck it up or bow out UNPLEASANT TIME IN THE WEST DEAR UNPLEASANT Poll the other members of your group about how they feel about the younger adults and the baby being with you You may discover you are not the only ones who aren t secure with it If that s the circumstance then someone is going to have to speak up and object However if you and your husband are alone in feeling the way you do the two of you should bow out and socialize with other friends DEAR ABBY I m and in a -year relationship with my boyfriend Justin Things have been rocky since his business went under last year For months I have been working shifts a week at two jobs to cover our bills including a mortgage Barely seeing each other has put a strain on our relationship I never intended to develop feelings for another man but I have them and they are real Brad and I work together and talk often He makes me feel a way I haven t felt in years There is innocent flirting nothing sexual or inappropriate We don t communicate outside of work In my mind we haven t crossed any lines except that I have developed feelings for him I believe he feels the same about me although neither of us has put it into words Brad is very shy and doesn t talk to the bulk people He works two jobs and goes to school I don t want to leave Justin I love him and we are good together But I can t ignore what is happening inside me right now Help please TORN IN CALIFORNIA Related Articles Asking Eric How do I fix this neighbor dilemma without coming off as a Karen Harriette Cole My co-workers don t know this secret about our horrible boss Miss Manners Am I the only one who has this kind of restroom encounter Dear Abby I realized what s triggering my migraines and now I have a new issue Asking Eric I m not allowed to speak the name of my son s ex even to her kids DEAR TORN Working two jobs is to put it mildly stressful I can see why your relationship with Justin is strained You are exhausted I can also understand why you might welcome the distraction of a flirtation with Brad However unless you have left something out of your letter Brad hasn t requested you out even for a coffee let alone to leave Justin I m not suggesting you ignore the feelings you have been emerging for Brad but I am telling you to focus more resource on fixing what has gone wrong with your relationship with your boyfriend Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA