Harriette Cole: He said he felt sorry for my future kids, and I was so hurt

DEAR HARRIETTE A friend and I were watching a popular TV series together The show is based on high schoolers who struggle with substance use disorder mental wellbeing anger management sexual exploitation and more Related Articles Harriette Cole I paid her to cat-sit and came home to a catastrophe Harriette Cole My co-worker complains that I make everyone s job harder Harriette Cole I was hurt by her emoji response to my heartfelt message Harriette Cole Do I need to tell my husband how I know about his affair Harriette Cole Was this lunch circumstance a red flag about my new friend We both were making comments regarding our shock throughout the episodes but at specific point my friend looked over to me and commented he feels sorry for my future children I was wounded That is such a strong message I tried to unpack with him what he had reported but I didn t get far He shared that he thought my expectations were too aggressive and that no kid will be able to thrive around me I think of parenting as a balance between structure and vulnerability and I ve reliably hoped I will be an honest and understanding mom Neither of us has children by the way I want my friend to know his harsh critiques impacted me and that he should be more mindful with his opinions in the future Is it even worth revisiting this conversation Bad Mom DEAR BAD MOM It could be worth it to continue the conversation with your friend though not as an indictment of what he stated to you That will only create defensiveness with no meaningful resolution Tell him instead that you can t stop thinking about what he explained to you and you want to understand why he feels that you will not be a good mom Admit that you have thought about his comments since he made them and you want to understand his thinking If he will share listen attentively to see if there s any value to what he says DEAR HARRIETTE I have been struggling with the dating scene in my city It s been nearly two years since I ve even attempted a date flirted casually swiped through an app or responded to a DM It is so challenging to find anyone who wants to connect on a deeper level Social media and online dating have made distance more acceptable and quality time less desirable I would like to try dating again but after being celibate and intentionally single for the past insufficient years I ve become a cynic My guard is up and I am not as vulnerable or romantic as I once was I think my lackluster experiences in the past have caused my heart to harden I want to approach the dating scene with a more positive outlook but it feels daunting Do you have any advice for people like me who are not fans of online dating Get Back Out There Related Articles Dear Abby The camera I put in my mother s house caught an upsetting conversation Asking Eric What s a funny way to announce our divorce on a Christmas card Dear Abby I m the same size I ve inevitably been and my in-laws need to shut up about it Asking Eric I just located out about my wife s secret expense Harriette Cole I paid her to cat-sit and came home to a calamity DEAR GET BACK OUT THERE Don t give up on romance yet Go out the old-fashioned way take classes go to the museum visit cafes and bars in your area and talk to people Keep your eyes open but go slowly If you meet someone potentially compelling talk to them but keep your expectations low Get to know people before considering investing your heart in them Be OK with lighthearted engagements Allow yourself to notice if anyone fascinating comes along without feeling desperate along the way Yes I know easier commented than done Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO