Harriette Cole: I didn’t have $200 for her private chef, and now my friend is mad at me

DEAR HARRIETTE My friend is upset with me because I was unable to celebrate her birthday with her a limited weeks back Related Articles Harriette Cole My husband wants another kid but for my own well-being I must say no Harriette Cole I haven t gone back to the office since this embarrassing matter Harriette Cole He wasn t a good boyfriend so why can t I forget him Harriette Cole She walked out of the party saying my new girlfriend and I embarrassed her Harriette Cole When I complain about the hazing at work they say my generation is soft I am unemployed right now so I try to be mindful of my expenses and perpetually account for my necessities first My friend reached out and invited me to a private dinner party at her home and requested for attendance That would cover the cost of the private chef and particular other things I couldn t spend that kind of money on a party I explained to her that I could not afford to be there and since then she s been cold She is slow to reply to text messages and the limited times I have seen her or spoken with her she ll point out what I m spending my money on or ask how much it cost me to do certain things It s making me uncomfortable I ve demanded her if we can set aside specific time to talk but she won t respond I have enough on my plate Is this kind of friend worth my patience Birthday Drama DEAR BIRTHDAY DRAMA Your friend is being selfish Stop trying to appease her Focus on your life You do not need to answer to her about how you spend money Stop trying to talk to her She owes you an apology for trying to bully you into spending beyond your budget on her birthday DEAR HARRIETTE My teenage daughter is upset with me because I notified her she couldn t go to a concert with her friends The show is in a nearby city and while she insists everyone else s parents are letting them go I don t feel calm with her being out so late in such a large unsupervised crowd She s and the concert would end well past midnight When I described her no she burst into tears and accused me of not trusting her Since then she s barely spoken to me I know part of this is typical teenage behavior but it s been hard feeling like the bad guy when my only intention is to protect her She has been slamming doors refusing to eat dinner with us and making little comments about how I never let her do anything fun It breaks my heart I don t want her to feel like I m controlling her life but I also don t want to give in just to avoid her anger I keep second-guessing myself Am I being too strict or is this a reasonable boundary for her age How can I make sure she doesn t see me as the enemy Angry Daughter DEAR ANGRY DAUGHTER Why not check in with the other friends parents to see what precautions they may have put in place just to get several perspective Related Articles Miss Manners The other parents sit back and assume I ll deal with their kids Dear Abby Mom is avoiding us siblings Is she hiding something Asking Eric He has every detail of their wedding planned but he won t propose Harriette Cole My husband wants another kid but for my own well-being I must say no Miss Manners How would you deal with a smelly couple on a cruise Get a sense of what is happening with her friend group so that you know what she could be dealing with Have you considered driving her and her friends to the concert and picking them up when it s over Even if you don t change your mind you may proceed with more compassion just don t present her as a baby to the other parents You don t want those conversations to make things worse Talk to your daughter about what you think is appropriate for her age and what the boundaries are Apologize for having to disagree but point out that you are the parent and until she is independent she must abide by your rules She may stay mad for a while but hopefully it will die down Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO