Harriette Cole: My husband keeps talking about leaving LA, but I can’t go back to suburbia

DEAR HARRIETTE My husband has in the past few days been talking nonstop about moving out of Los Angeles and starting over in the suburbs Related Articles Harriette Cole We just located out my sister s irresponsibility could cost us our house Harriette Cole I dread going out of my apartment but I don t want to live anywhere else Harriette Cole I m in my s and that s too old to date a man who acts like this Harriette Cole A car crash wrecked my daughters relationship Harriette Cole I realized the credit card thief was my own son He says he s tired of the traffic the noise the cost of living basically all the things that make L A what it is and he wants more space a yard and what he calls a calmer life The predicament is I love where we live My job is here my friends are here and honestly I m energized by the city I grew up in a small town and the idea of going back to suburbia makes me feel like I m losing a piece of myself We ve gone back and forth about it but every conversation turns into an argument He keeps saying I m being stubborn and I feel like he s not hearing how big of a change this would be for me I worry that if I give in I ll resent him later but if he stays he ll resent me We ve even started avoiding the topic because we re afraid of another blowup which feels unhealthy How do we find common ground when we want fully different lifestyles What happens if neither of us is willing to compromise To Move or Not To Move DEAR TO MOVE OR NOT TO MOVE This is a tough one Someone is going to need to compromise One thing I know is that there are a great number of suburbs around Los Angeles and you may be able to find a neighborhood that you both like one that is not too far away but that affords a bit more space and comfort It is worth driving around and looking If you at least offer to consider his idea it may open him up to reconsidering yours DEAR HARRIETTE I live with my boyfriend We rent an apartment together and split all of our expenses I ve been able to save up and now I am interested in investing in real estate I don t know what that means for me and my boyfriend though I mentioned my interest to him a inadequate months back to see what he thinks and he thinks real estate would be great for us At this time I don t intend to purchase property with my boyfriend It doesn t feel wise to me If we were married or at least engaged I d feel differently My boyfriend has brought it up a meager times since our first conversation so I explained my stance and he doesn t think our relationship status should be what hinders us from making a good commitment together He stated he s happy to do things separately if that s what I really want but now I fear I ve thrown a wrench in our relationship Related Articles Miss Manners That awkward moment when you see a smile-and-wave acquaintance out of context Dear Abby The new neighbors encroached on us then noted we re the complication Asking Eric I never saw the recommendation letter he submitted with my name Harriette Cole We just exposed out my sister s irresponsibility could cost us our house Miss Manners Our host ostentatiously does laundry while entertaining guests Am I seeing this all wrong Is purchasing a home together much different than being on a lease together Major Financing DEAR MAJOR FINANCING It sounds like you two need to have a different conversation What do you want for the future Do you want to be in a committed relationship with each other Do you want to get married Does he What does your future look like in your mind s eye Yes a mortgage is more permanent and serious than a lease but a multitude of couples buy property together without being married You two need to deal with the future of your relationship before tying up more materials together Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO