Harriette Cole: My husband’s casual comment about my job is weighing on me
DEAR HARRIETTE The other night my husband revealed something that s been weighing on me We were talking about my job and he described me that maybe the reason I haven t been moving up in my career is because I don t have much drive anymore Related Articles Harriette Cole He declared he felt sorry for my future kids and I was so hurt Harriette Cole I paid her to cat-sit and came home to a mishap Harriette Cole My co-worker complains that I make everyone s job harder Harriette Cole I was hurt by her emoji response to my heartfelt message Harriette Cole Do I need to tell my husband how I know about his affair He noted it casually like he didn t mean any harm but it hurt I ve been doing my best even if my progress hasn t been as fast as I d like and hearing that from someone I love and thought supported me was discouraging It made me start questioning myself and wondering if he thinks I m a failure I ve been under a lot of pressure lately and I wish he had offered encouragement instead of criticism When I notified my husband how his words made me feel he brushed it off and revealed he was just trying to motivate me Now I feel both hurt and frustrated like he doesn t see how much effort I put in or how much I care about my work I love him but I don t know how to make him understand that his words can do more harm than good How should I approach this conversation so that he grasps how deeply his comment affected me without it turning into a fight or making things worse between us Hurt DEAR HURT Rather than homing in on how your husband made you feel with his observations focus on your career ascent and how to get where you want to go If you can afford it hire an executive coach to help you for a meager months to evaluate where you are in your work and develop a strategy with you for getting to the next level Share your husband s hurtful comments about drive and motivation with your coach Perhaps through that person s neutral lens you can find value in the message even if the delivery was biting DEAR HARRIETTE Bulk of my family is of a different faith than myself and my children For the the bulk part it isn t a big deal but one of my uncles is opinionated and outspoken He and I used to be close but now whenever he comes to my home he is critical of my faith and religious choices even when it s not relevant I am respectful of his dietary differences his time for prayer and so on but when my family prays or references anything he is not in agreement with he s dismissive combative or disruptive Related Articles Miss Manners My daughter s plan for a new tradition would upend our Thanksgiving routine Dear Abby My wife s entitled brother lives with us and I can t deal with it any longer Asking Eric Our hateful neighbor interferes with our walks and the police won t stop him Harriette Cole He reported he felt sorry for my future kids and I was so hurt Miss Manners There s nothing under his robe Am I a prude because I keep my distance I wish he would be more respectful no speaking during our prayers no need to detest our beliefs no need to preach his faith to my children I want to draw the line with my uncle because he is beginning to create doubt and confusion in my children I want to be close with him but I don t want my children s perception of faith and religion to be tainted by these us-versus-them experiences There is room for all faiths but I don t know how to get my uncle to realize that At a Crossroads DEAR AT A CROSSROADS Say as much to him Add that if he cannot bite his tongue and become respectful of the way you and your children express your faith he is not welcome in your home Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO
