Harriette Cole: Should I tell the bride why I’m uneasy?

DEAR HARRIETTE My close friend lately solicited me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and while I was honored at first I m now struggling with mixed feelings Related Articles Harriette Cole My neighbor s bossiness about parking has gotten out of hand Harriette Cole My boss follows my social media and I don t know what to do Harriette Cole After my wedding she blasted me as pretentious Harriette Cole I threw myself into planning our parents party and this is what I got Harriette Cole My son won t forgive me for being a mama bear I care deeply about her and want to encouragement her happiness but I don t agree with multiple of her fiance s values or the way he treats certain situations There have been moments when I ve witnessed him make comments or decisions that really don t sit well with me and it makes me worry about their long-term future together I feel conflicted because standing by her side as a bridesmaid feels like I m endorsing the relationship and I don t know if I can do that wholeheartedly On the other hand saying no feels like it would hurt her deeply and maybe even jeopardize our friendship I don t want to come across as judgmental or overstepping but I also don t want to ignore my instincts Should I be honest with her about my hesitations and hazard damaging our bond or should I accept the role keep my concerns to myself and sponsorship her day no matter how I feel about the marriage itself Standing for My Friend DEAR STANDING FOR MY FRIEND A brave thing you can do is ask your friend to get together and have a candid conversation Tell her you love her and want to encouragement her in any way that you can Add that you are a bit worried about her Give her specific examples of your observations Ask her if she has any apprehensions of her own Tell her you want to have her back and you just want to make sure she is going into this union with her eyes wide open You can point out things you know about her that conflict with things you have observed in him as something for her to consider DEAR HARRIETTE This year has been extremely busy for me and my core friend group No matter how much we try it seems like every time we try to pick a time we can all be available to catch up and do something together we fail I recognize that being busy is not invariably something people can change but still isn t it significant to make time for the ones you love One friend in particular often puts us off for months at a time or totally doesn t respond If we happen to make plans without her she doesn t take it well The other day we were all conclusively out to dinner and I casually mentioned that sometimes it takes months to plan with her and she got really defensive and accused me of talking crap Did I overstep Or is she being sensitive Busy Schedules Related Articles Miss Manners I think it s hurtful to ban children from weddings Our pediatrician agrees Dear Abby Because of what was disclosed in the group text my sister ditched half our family Asking Eric Why should a grandmother have to let the kids interrupt Harriette Cole My neighbor s bossiness about parking has gotten out of hand Miss Manners My grandson calls this woman Nonna and I m not OK with that DEAR BUSY SCHEDULES Rubbing it in was not the nicest thing for you to do You all know how formidable it is to get together Instead of turning the knife as you did consider another option for the future Why not agree to set a date to get together every quarter Those who can join should come those who cannot will be missed That way you see one another without guilting anyone who can t make it Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO